Through the Silence

“Through the silence, if we would but stop and listen, a voice, distant and small… Its tenor plaintive and hesitant, fearing detection or even acknowledgment, and yet praying for it all at the same time. But through the silence, God is speaking, as well, Longing, yearning to be heard, whispering softly and lovingly to His beloved ones, drawing them to Himself.”

Every survivor of abuse knows about silence - the dead stillness in the house at night that wraps its cold arms around the silent soul of a child who is too afraid to cry out. The silence of family members who either know, or at least suspect that something isn’t quite right, yet respond with nothing but more silence.

Silence is often the protective device of choice for those who have learned that breaking silence can be a dangerous thing; and yet, unless the long silence is broken at last, the secrets that remain intact will continue to keep the captive bound up and far from healing.

One captive of silence wrote about it this way:

It was in the darkest part of my lifetime, the place where silence was loudest, that I knew the time had come to break the long silence at last. What I eventually had to come to terms with was that I had believed the lie that if I broke my silence, it would surely result in complete annihilation and ruin – for everyone. I had been bound by that belief long enough! Instead, I finally understood that my silence was breaking me…. So, I dared to speak. For the first time, ever, I broke every rule I’d ever been taught by speaking my pain out loud, facing my fears about all those memories, and telling someone about the horrors of my past. It was beyond hard to do. I took the chance, though. Because I did, I found my voice, and I was able for the first time in my life to hear other voices than the cruel ones inside me. For the first time, I heard hope. And as a result, I healed.

If breaking the silence is indeed the way to healing, what keeps the walls of silence so intact? What is it that those who have experienced trauma and abuse come to believe that keep them locked in their prisons of mute despair? This is something that both those who are struggling with this issue and those who would come alongside them to help must be willing to consider carefully. If those who are bound are to break free from the fetters that hinder the freedom God intended for all His people to enjoy, the first step is to begin by asking, audibly, the questions that demand an answer. Silence must be broken. Unless that occurs, unless there is first a willingness to seek out (and hopefully find) a trustworthy listener and then to speak the heart’s fears, questions, pains, hopes, and dreams, the answers the heart craves will continue to elude the would-be seeker. 

The Fears That Bind

It is certainly true that breaking the silence is taking a chance. How deep is the longing to talk to someone, to express the depths of what is hidden in the heart – and yet fear prevails and silence binds and enfolds like a shroud! It is also true that there are all too often no words to adequately express what is felt, or that if the needed words are spoken a safe listener can be found. 

For too many, the cruel lessons about keeping silent have been reinforced again and again, not only by the abusers themselves but by well-meaning friends and family who simply do not know how to help. Until telling the stories of struggles and past experiences related to trauma is acceptable, however, healing cannot occur as God intends. Those who are wounded need to be free to share their hearts, hurts, weaknesses, fears, and concerns somewhere other than a professional therapist’s office. Healing must take place within the context of healthy relationships and can only occur in an atmosphere of unconditional love, acceptance, and safety.

In Living from The Heart Jesus Gave You, Dr. James Friesen (2000) stresses this very concept. We are clearly reminded that growth, repair, maturity, and faith development are all intimately tied to such relationships. We all need other people to achieve wholeness in a fractured world, and yet we remain silent and trapped in our pain, sometimes most alone in a crowd. We hide behind well-practiced smiles and surface politeness because we believe that speaking aloud what we see or feel inside of us would risk the condemnation, criticism, and rejection we so intensely fear.

The psalmist expressed it well when he wrote again and again of the intense pain that such silence brought.

“But when I was silent and still, not even saying anything good, my anguish increased. My heart grew hot within me, and as I meditated, the fire burned….” (Ps 39:2-3 NIV).”

Silence must be broken. Internal pain and despair must find a safe outlet. The concept of hope, relief, freedom, and joy must be introduced within the loving context of safety, especially in the body of Christ. Our God has an answer for the desperate heart’s cry:

“And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify Me” (Ps 50:15 KJV).”